why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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