Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
