i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize