who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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