she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
and you fell through a lawn chair
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
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