Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
