she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
