Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
