The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
