Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
