im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
They have beer where we have blood.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
