I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
