Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
