Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
