'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
