My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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