If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
