My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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