she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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