Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
