you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm just crazy horny about you
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
