A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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