We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
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