Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
