the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
There's always time for handjobs
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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