A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
we should paint friendship bongs
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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