did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
