I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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