Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
