Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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