Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
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