omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
