like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
