he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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