She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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