stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
