dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
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