I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Don't make out with my wife yet
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
