My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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