i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
