I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
