Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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