All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
