Will you blow on my dice?
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Randomize
