She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
