you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Randomize
