Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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