I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
