Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
We had sex on a dog bed..
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
