How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize