How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
