This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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