life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
