He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
