I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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