it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
