So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
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