I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
