I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
