he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
