From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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