She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
