grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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