Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
