Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
