We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
