I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I think your dad took our porno
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
