His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
