how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
