I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
