i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
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